


The Orb of Mirlun

by Telesilla



Category: Actor RPF, American Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-11-07
Updated: 2005-11-07
Packaged: 2017-10-06 04:57:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Telesilla/pseuds/Telesilla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Um ... really, I can't even begin to explain without giving too much away.  I've already said too much as it is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Orb of Mirlun

Hadjara bent her head, shaking one of her dark green dreads out of her eyes as she tried to work the lock. "Come on," she murmured, her eyes closing as she listened for that all important click. Instead she heard felt the lock pick twist in her fingers and she pulled it out as quickly as she could, all but fumbling for a stronger pick on the ring.

"Inehwyr!" Grimthor the Irritable called out, as he killed yet another zombie. "Do you have it in you to turn these bastards again?" The stout, ginger haired dwarf was almost buried in piles of limbs and bones, but the skeletons and zombies kept coming at him.

"Ealisaid Blaanid hear my prayer!" Inehwyr Nywair called out, and her Goddess answered; a rush of white light washed over the hordes of undead, felling over half of them. "That's the last time I can do that," the elf gasped, raising her crossbow. "I can probably heal each of you one more time, but after that, I'll be spent."

"I know how you feel," Bido Willowstaff said, as he dispatched a couple of skeletons and three zombies with a burst of chain lightening. "I'm draining this damn storm rod dry. Can you work just a little faster Hadjara?"

"I don't know," the dark-skinned human thief snapped. "Can you all kill undead just a little more quietly?" She didn't bother waiting for an answer as she once again attempted to pick the lock on the evil looking iron-bound chest that hopefully held the Orb of Mirlun. When the sudden silence descended over her, she had a moment of panic -- _Jesus fucking Christ if I get fucking tossed out, I'm gonna go fucking postal_ \-- before she realized Bido had enveloped her in a cone of silence. She tossed the halfling mage a quick look of gratitude before drawing a deep breath and trying one more time.

From her vantage point near the bloodstained altar, Inehwyr sent another burst of healing energy toward Grimthor who looked decidedly gray to her Inner Eye. She'd already blessed Hadjara and so now her prayer was simply a personal wish that this not turn out to be a horrible mistake, that Hadjara Isfahani really was as good as she swore she was when they'd met back at the Growling Goblin back in Sarrakish.

It wouldn't have done much for Inehwyr's confidence if she'd know how closely Bido's thoughts echoed hers. A slight break in the undead onslaught gave the mage a chance to exchange a glance with Grimthor, and with the ease of long partnership, each knew the other was wondering if teaming up with Hadjara and Inehwyr had been such a good idea.

Just then, the door on the left side of the grim, old temple finally buckled under the pressure and another, even larger, wave of zombies and skeletons poured in past the splintering wood. "They have a dracolich," Inehwyr said dryly, having spotted the skeletal dragon form from her vantage point atop the altar dais.

"So this is it," Grimthor muttered privately to Bido. "We're going to die."

At that moment, when all possibility of escaping with their lives seemed to fade, Hadjara gave a triumphant -- and, thanks to the cone of silence, inaudible -- shriek of joy and pulled a black orb out of the trunk. It seemed to pulse in her hand as the light from the torches shimmered across its dark oily-looking surface.

As Hadjara stood up and turned toward the altar, weighing the risk of running to place the Orb on the dark steel brackets, she smelled the foul odor of a zombie behind her and felt the chill air across her neck as the creature made and unsuccessful grab for her tunic. _I'm not gonna make it. I got this far and...._

Before Hadjara could finish her thought, by some chance Inehwyr turned and looked right at her. Hadjara's dark amber eyes met the cool gray gaze of the Elf, and without thinking, the thief tossed the Orb toward the cleric.

As her crossbow fell from her hands, Inehwyr suddenly felt as if she had all the time in the world to catch the Orb. It was certainly enough time for both Grimthor and Bido to turn and watch with desperation as the Orb flew unerringly through the air to land in Inehwyr's outstretched hands.

Even as she whirled to place the Orb, the cone of silence around Hadjara faded and the other members of the party heard her shriek as the zombie behind her pulled her toward a vicious knot of undead. "Hadjara!" Inehwyr called out, but her cry was lost as the sound of a great bell rang out, deep and loud.

With the dull clatter of bone on stone, and the repulsive splat of rotting flesh dropping to the floor, the undead simply collapsed. For a moment, the dracolich hovered and the fate of the adventurers hung in the balance, but then, with a scream of anger that faded with the sound of the bell, it collapsed, wing bones raining down on Grimthor like some bizarre snowfall.

Scrambling down from the altar, Inehwyr almost tripped over her own feet as she reached for her bag. "Is everyone alright?" she asked, pulling out a bottle of healing potion as she went to her knees next to Hadjara.

"More repulsed than anything," the thief replied, rubbing her hand over her face. "That was almost too close."

"Grimthor? Bido?" Inehwyr asked, not really looking away from Hadjara. "Are you...?"

"I could use one of those, lass," Grimthor said, grinning at Bido as Inehwyr absentmindedly handed him a potion. "Now that's the stuff," he added, as he felt the potion go to work. "You with us, partner?"

"Aye," Bido replied, drawing a deep breath. "It's not easy to come down from a half-formed planar spell."

"You were going to try to take the lich to another plane to fight it?" Hadjara asked, her eyes wide. "That's... you might have never come back." She bowed her head, knowing that the mage would understand the gratitude she felt at his willingness to risk so much to protect the rest of the team.

"Well," Grimthor said, with a grin. "Thanks to you two lasses, we'll never know if it would have worked. By Grabthar's Hammer, that was a pretty bit of work."

"So you're not disappointed that you took us on?" Inehwyr asked, relief obvious in her voice. "I was so worried because you're both so ... well, you know."

"Tell me about it," Hadjara said.

Before the two women could bring up their reputations, Bido tilted his head as if listening to a far off voice only he could hear.

"Oh shit," he muttered. "We went a little over, and Kathleen and Roger will be here ... well, at the house at any moment." He winced and looked apologetic. "Sorry."

Grimthor glanced at him and once more the two seemed to speak without words. "As thanks for your incredible effort," the dwarf said attempting a courtly bow toward Inehwyr and Hadjara. "Why don't you divide up the loot? We can trust you."

"You ... are you sure?" Hadjara asked. "There's some pretty amazing stuff in that one trunk alone."

"We really have to run," Bido said. "Look why don't you message us and we'll see if we can get together sooner than next week to work it out?" He made a subtle gesture. "There's the house eddress, you can reach either one of us there."

"Um ... sure!" Inehwyr said, clutching the slip of parchment that appeared in her hand. "Nice bloody trick that," she muttered.

"Great! Thank you!" Hadjara called out as the dwarf and his Halfling companion began to turn misty. "Catch you guys later!"

But the two were long gone.

"Wow, they really are as good as everyone says," Hadjara, said, leaning against the trunk. "And you know, that guy at the Goblin was right; they are SO married."

"You know better than that," Inehwyr said trying to look prim. "It's rude to speculate."

"Not after they gave us their home eddress."

"Which is undoubtedly not their private line."

"Oh I know," Hadjara said with a nod. "But still ... that was fucking fantastic, wasn't it?"

"Hell yeah. I was sweating fuckin' bullets when you threw that thing at me." Inehwyr shook her head. "I was sure my Dex wasn't up to it; I'm such a bloody great klutz."

"Well I don't know about you, but I just leveled," Hadjara said with a broad grin. "I'll bet you did too; maybe you can add some points to your Dex."

"Maybe. I get a feat this level, and I'm pretty chuffed about that." Inehwyr sighed. "Of course there are always way too many options."

"Well they can't make it too easy," Hadjara said with a chuckle. "Hey how's your time doing?"

"It's damn late here, but I'm working out of my flat next week," Inehwyr replied. "Why?"

"I was thinking we could dee ell all the loot specs and go over it at a Station if you've got some extra time." Hadjara looked a little hesitant. "This was a really good run and ... well I wouldn't mind just chatting."

"I ... um, sure." Inehwyr said. "D'you mind if we...." Her voice trailed off and she gestured at herself.

"Oh sure," Hadjara said. "I don't mind staying in garb. I worked damn hard on this avatar."

"That was a neat trick with Bido did with the parchment." Inehwyr let her gaze go vacant after speaking, preparing to download the specs.

"What this one?" Hadjara said, waving her hand to conjure up the loot list. Another parchment appeared, this one much larger and tied up as a scroll. "It's just a plug-in for your toolkit."

"Bloody hell," Inehwyr said. "You've got a better toolkit than me."

"I know some people," Hadjara said, suddenly hoping Inehwyr wasn't on a shoestring budget or something. "I get some pretty good deals on 'ware." She stood up. "Any particular Station you like?"

"Zed Zed Nine Plural Zed Alpha?" Inehwyr suggested. "Grimthor made me think of it with his 'so this is it,' quote."

"Sure." Hadjara nodded as she mentally input the code into her router. "You'll have to explain the reference when we get there, though. He comes up with all this stuff and I know that more than half the time I'm not getting the joke."

"Well there was this radio show in the UK about a hundred years ago...."

* * *

"And so I kind of drifted into architecture," Inehwyr said, sipping at her drink. "I still do some applied art and even fool around with a sketchbook now and then."

"Real paper?" Hadjara asked. When Inehwyr nodded, Hadjara shook her head. "You must be pretty good if you designed your avatar."

"Oh please," Inehwyr replied. "This is a really early effort. Inehwyr was my first character and damn but she must have died five or six times before I went over to playing a tank for a while." She shrugged. "I don't really know why I dusted her off this time out. I've got a mage I play; but for some reason I wanted to have a go at running a cleric."

She tilted her head and looked Hadjara over. "Yours is pretty impressive; I really like the green dreads and the dark skin."

"Thanks," Hadjara said. "She's based on some Indian model from the '20s, so she's distinct enough that there won't be anyone like her. I didn't do the work, though. Like I said, I know some people. You meet all kinds in my business."

"You do strictly industrial and commercial?" Inehwyr asked.

"Every once in while I'll list something residential," Hadjara said. "But it's got to be pretty prime real estate for it to be worth it." She laughed. "Just think, if I were in the UK, I'd probably be listing buildings you designed." She made a face. "Look forget I said that."

"No no, it's OK. I was mostly joking about the etiquette back there." Inehwyr looked down at her long slim fingers. "Look this is kinda stupid. I don't know if you guessed or not, but I'd be willing to bet my share of the loot that 'Bido' and 'Grimthor' didn't just leave because they had friends over. You know they went home and shagged before their guests got there."

"I figured as much," Hadjara said. "But ... if you're coming on to me ... well there's something you should know."

"You're not left handed?"

"Huh?"

"Sorry, another obscure reference." Inehwyr laughed. "Look, I think it's really obvious that I'm a bloke, and I'm guessing you are too."

"Yeah," Hadjara said sheepishly. "Every now and then I like to ... well you know what I mean."

"Oh yeah, believe me, I understand." Inehwyr took a deep breath. "My name's Sean. Sean Bean."

"Bean ... fuck! You did the Trent Building for the Bank of Tehran's London branch."

"Well yeah," Sean replied. He looked across the table through his avatar's eyes and saw 'Hadjara' give a little shake of 'her' head.

"Sorry, just boggling a little. I'm Bill. Bill Fichtner." Bill grinned sheepishly. "Devon Anders is my ex."

"You're fucking joking, mate." It was Sean's turn to boggle. "Anders as in Anders and Ross?"

"Swear to fucking God," Bill said. "Used to be Fichtner and Anders, before Devon met Sarah Ross." He shrugged. "That was a sweet deal they did for BoT."

"Sweet, but pretty ruthless," Sean replied and knew he'd scored big when Bill cracked a wide smile. "I take it you don't work that way?"

"Hell no. After all, who needs cutthroat business in the real world when you can really cut throats here in e-space."

"I now feel not only rather strange about all this, but rather foolish as well," Sean said. "Do you mind if I slip into something more comfortable? It's authenticated; I use it for business."

"Only if you don't mind if I do too."

A second later the two men faced each other over the table. "Jesus," Bill said, looking at Sean. "I only have one question for you?"

"Yeah?" Sean replied.

"Top, bottom, or both?"

"Both. You?"

"The same." Bill looked at Sean and made up his mind. "I can be on a trans-sonic in three hours."

"Better you than me, mate," Sean said with a shiver. "I fucking hate flying. And anyway, that's just enough time for me to tidy up the flat and catch a quick nap." Sean rose from his seat.

"Wait a 'sec," Bill said. "He waved a hand and another piece of parchment appeared in front of Sean. "That's my flight information. And my personal number and eddress."

Glancing at the paper, Sean sent a quick thought to his 'ware. "And there's mine. See you in seven hours?"

"Can't wait," Bill replied, already sending instructions to his house 'ware.

* * *

"You are such a gossipy old queen," Jason said as he watched Liam do the dishes in their big old fashioned kitchen. "Why does it matter?"

"They have really obvious chemistry and they both totally pinged as male," Liam replied. "And admit it, you big chemise, you're dying to know."

"Oh I already know," Jason replied with a laugh. "I've just been waiting for you to get around to saying something. Took you long enough."

"And?"

'You're right, of course. I don't know why I bother buying such good 'ware when all you need is the famed Celtic Second Sight."

"Faith and begorrah," Liam said, letting his accent go broad. "'Tis the luck of the little people." He shook his head as he put the last plate in the rack. "It was just a feeling, and you're not one to accept those in e-space anyway. Back in my day we had to."

"Yeah yeah yeah," Jason said, moving behind Liam and wrapping his arms around his husband's waist. "And you logged in on phone lines that you had to walk five kilometers through the snow to get to."

"Ten miles," Liam replied dryly. "Uphill. Both ways." He turned and bent to give Jason a kiss. "So why'd you look them up, anyway, you nosy old queer?"

"You think I was going to let a thief and a cleric divide _my_ loot without me knowing who they were?" Jason shook his head. "Over my dead dwarf body, my friend."

"If I hadn't lived with you for the last 25 years," Liam said with a long suffering sigh. "I'd tell you to get a life." He slid his hand down Jason's back to cup one cheek of Jason's arse.

"Mmm ... you can tell me that all you like," Jason said with a slight squirm. "After you shag me senseless. Again."

"Just promise not to make any 'Grabthar's Mighty Hammer' jokes and you've got a deal, dwarf."

_-end_

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty much crackfic. Many thanks go to [](http://darkrosetiger.livejournal.com/profile)[**darkrosetiger**](http://darkrosetiger.livejournal.com/) for vetting this; she's not to blame for anything that doesn't look like it came out of the 3rd edition. Also, the gratuitous pop culture references are all my fault.


End file.
